Communicate

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“The press tour will begin in ten minutes at Mini,” said one of the media organizers as we registered for the Dubai Motor Show.
Communicate was under the impression that the press day would offer an opportunity to roam freely and concentrate on the most interesting manufacturers. Communicate was wrong.
“No,” the organizer said. “It’s an organized tour. It has to be if we’re going to get you to all 34 press events.”
Communicate hasn’t wanted to cry since a bigger magazine took our sweets. We held it together, though, and so began the longest day of our lives. The tour turned out to be a revelation, however, as we saw first-hand how a brand’s press relations at a major event should be organized. Here are the lessons of the day:

1. Business cards are currency. They’re a crafty bunch, these PR folk. Most of the stands were packed with freebies for the assembled press, but you could only get these freebies by providing a business card, thus condemning yourself to ongoing e-updates from Daihatsu on the latest drinks holder forever more. Freebie or freedom? It was a tough choice. The new Daihatsu cup holders do look great, though.
2. Expand your vocabulary. Try to find another way to say, “challenging year.” Use a thesaurus if necessary. “Tough,” “difficult,” “arduous,” “demanding.” Any of these will do.
3. Know your audience. It’s sad but it’s true, the press pack at motor shows is comprised largely of men. Men like cars, but what they like even better than cars is cars with pretty women next to them. To that end, nearly every manufacturer hired models to stand next to their vehicles. Funnily enough, interest in each vehicle was directly proportional to the appearance of the models. Hence the largest gathering of the day was at the Fiat stand, where a woman who looked like she had stepped out of the pages of Vogue was leaning on a 500C. As Communicate’s companion remarked, “One of the least desirable cars at the event is now the most desirable. It’s genius.”
4. Don’t skimp. When holding a press event, allocate some costs for a microphone, amp and speakers. With 34 events to attend in a single day, the press gang will assume you have nothing important to say if they can’t hear you. They will not go out of their way to hear you or find out what you said. Trust us, we barely even remember what the guy… you know, with the beard… next to the… red car, we think… was on about. If you can’t afford it, don’t try to make a speech. Go for personalized interviews instead. Oh, and make sure you have enough press packs.
5. Don’t hold a press conference two days before the event to tell everyone the same things you will say at the event. One of the assembled journos was at just such a presser a few days before. “They’re saying all the same things,” he said. “What do they think, I’m going to write it twice?” Communicate is pretty sure we later heard him mumbling, “Thirty-four,” to himself while quietly weeping.
6. Make sure you know what day it is. The Land Rover presentation was a slick affair until the end of the spokesman’s speech. “Thanks for joining us on a Saturday,” he said. It was Tuesday. It took a few seconds for us to realize that he was reading from an auto-cue. Verbatim. And his speech hadn’t been changed since the last motor show.
And the final and perhaps most important rule for press relations at a major event:
7. Don’t bring a boat to a car show. Take a bow, Liquid Glass Powerboats, who unveiled their new model at a car show. Cue much head scratching and shrugs from the press, who by that point were so laden with free junk and so tired from 34 press conferences that they couldn’t even be bothered to ask why the vessel was there.

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